Have you ever lost something

Ok so get this.

I have been searching high and low for my iPod......in my apartment AND I know its in my apartment because in the time frame that I have lost it, I was in my apartment.

Now I have retraced my steps in my apartment like 5 or 6 times and still have not come up with the iPod .

Now I had it before I took a nap at about 3 pm but did not have it at 7pm.

In that time frame, I went from my bedroom into my living room, sat everything down on the coffee table, got up went into the kitchen and back to the living room...Stayed there for about and hr, hr and a half.

Came back to the bedroom, went to the washroom and came back to the bedroom.

Hmm.....

Disappearing into thin air

Inside of each of you, there are sirens, honking horns and gridlock,but there is also peace, joy, contentment. With the help of God, we can do the work and climb the stairs from the negative to the positive. 

So to use the cliche given to us by Forrest Gump - Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get.  That is so true, but it's what we do when we take one of those chocolates, good, bad or ugly....

If we are fully relying on God, then we have no fear that He is got it all under control. And even if your brain thinks you ain't gonna make it thru, trust deep down in your heart, your spirit, that you know that you know that you know, that you are walking in the solution right now.  

The enemy always fights the hardest when he knows God has something in store. And the devil uses our fear, anxiety, insecurities to get us focused on those things instead of God and His plan and His purpose for us.

So here is my fear today. Would anyone notice I just simply vanished? 

Disappeared into thin air? 

Are the friends I have too self absorbed to even notice, when I am off my "schedule"?

What if I did fade away, would that be so horrible? 

Did I invest much more time, energy and care into people, that just could care less if they gave it back to me?

My heart is hurting, because I don't see a genuine concern for me. I try to be solid, stay consistent, for the most part, doing some of the same things at the same time so that if something was to happen, someone would jump up and say, wait hold on, something isn't right.  But I truly did not see that today. 

So is the enemy working in my life right now? You betcha!!! Do I care right now...nope.

I am just so tired of being that constant n peoples' lives, being that thing they could set their clocks by. Tired of being here for everyone else, while my life gets put on hold.

Do I believe that I am walking in my solution? yes.....

Do I believe I am walking from negative to positive? yes

Do I believe that God is by my side? yes

Don't despair, if you feel invisible or that you aren't noticable...We all are, just sometimes its God's way of getting your attention about something in your life.

Taking out the trash

Romans 8:35-39The Voice (VOICE)

35 So who can separate us? What can come between us and the love of God’s Anointed? Can troubles, hardships, persecution, hunger, poverty, danger, or even death? The answer is, absolutely nothing. 36 As the psalm says,On Your behalf, our lives are endangered constantly; we are like sheep awaiting slaughter.37 But no matter what comes, we will always taste victory through Him who loved us. 38 For I have every confidence that nothing—not death, life, heavenly messengers, dark spirits, the present, the future, spiritual powers, 39 height, depth, nor any created thing—can come between us and the love of God revealed in the Anointed, Jesus our Lord.

9am MST June 9, 2015

I had to say this before I lost it all. Or miss the message that you need to hear.  I see once again you are going to internalize this stuff, instead of letting it out and in turn breaking one more link off that chain that is binding you to this stuff….Please just listen to me. Sure you know all this stuff already, and that is part of your struggle. It’s playing in your head that why oh why can’t I just put into practice the same stuff I counsel others on.  Nobody that’s IN a struggle can ever put into practice their own advice they give to others because it was meant for them, simply because it’s not the advice that God has intended for you to hear when you are in the same struggle. You are you and they are them and the advice is unique to the person receiving it.

Do I know what I am talking about, gosh, I know I have been in the exact same spot, saying almost the exact same thing to myself, I shake my head at myself, cause I beat myself up cause, I should have gotten this by now, and then I realize that I am trying to fix the problem myself with my own advice, and I am getting in my own way and it perpetuates the issue and it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

Is my way perfect? NO because, first it’s my way and second I am imperfect.  As you know, the only way that is perfect is thru Jesus. 

And finding ourselves in the same scenario, time after time, is because the way we are handling it, isn’t the way. Or do we have a purpose to witness to the other person in the scenario, perhaps God needs something to get thru and He can only use us to get thru to the other person and in it all there is a healing, even when we don’t see it.

What I have learned so far, in my walk, is that yes the struggles will come, and yes the devil will always find a way to get in, yes there is an open door…Once we shine a light on the devil and how he got into the struggle and choose God to help us to turn it around, he can’t do anything but flee.

This is how I work thru it, I first realize that yes there is an open door, yes the devil got in, yes he is throwing rocks, but I turn to what God has taught me thus far and I ask Him what He wants me to learn in this particular struggle or haven’t learnt yet, or what healing is in it, and trust in His timing and trust there is a solution.  Most times the solution, for me, is that I have to wallow in the junk, the stench, the garbage, to recognize those feelings, so in the future, I can recognize them much sooner so I can put the lid of God onto the trash can and haul it out to the corner, so God can haul it away.  And I trust that eventually there will be nothing left to wallow in, nothing left to haul away and it becomes a dead issue. That is healing.

Am I saying the way that God is dealing with my junk is right?  Well it’s moulded to my life, so its right for me…Will it work for you, maybe not…Will it help you, maybe.  I don’t know, but what I know for sure, is that God’s got this and the solution will never look the way it should be because we are looking thru our own eyes, with our own understanding. 

So let go and Let God…..

Feelings

Words...Where do I even begin...Feelings? What is it that I am feeling? Is numbness of feelings a feeling? Let me check the dictionary or wikipedia or something. now calmclinic.com says numbness of feelings is related to anxiety which is related to depression. 7cups of tea.com has an article that says you're too afraid to feel the emotions that made you weak, that made you depressed.

I just want to curl up in a dark room, curtains covering the window and sleep it all away.  It's a form of, what was the word I once used, I use sleep as an avoidance mechanism. 

I just part of it is, no one will really notice I am missing...They haven't yet....So why would they miss me the rest of the night? Insecurity is running high right now...

Psalm 42:5-6The Voice (VOICE) 5 Why am I so overwrought? Why am I so disturbed? Why can’t I just hope in God? Despite all my emotions, I will believe and praise the One who saves me and is my life. 6 My God, my soul is so traumatized; the only help is remembering You wherever I may be; From the land of the Jordan to Hermon’s high place to Mount Mizar.

Well, it seems when I get back to spending time with God, He is calming my insecurity and anxiety. He reminds not to rely on people to validate that I would be missed, but on Him I should spend time with and He will validate that I am loved and that I will not have room for these fears

Turning from sin

Romans 8:1-17Romans 8:28Romans 5:1-2

- Introspection shows us our failures spiritually

- New Year's Resolution ( which can be considered as sin) keeps us in useless bondage

- Claim every sin

- Therefore: what is that "there" for?

- Learning to be in the freedom of God's Grace

- Grace is the defining element of Christianity, so we can place our complete faith and                        trust in Jesus

- Christianity is not based rules and regulation but based on the word of GOd

- When we give up saving ourselves, God will come in and give us grace, therefore saving                  us

- Grace no longer means we need to prove(or try) to be perfect

- God's Spirit empowers us to do what He designed us to do, and we will not feel that                          victory if we don't let His Spirit empowers us

- God's Spirit wil inspire us to no longer live in sin

- When we are up to nothing, God is up to something

- The Holy Spirit has a plan. He knows what sin needs to be dealt with, for us to be                             fulfilled in Him

- We are what we think. So if we think that we are God's children then we are

Stay like sheep

We have all strayed like sheep. Each one of us has turned to go his own way, and the Lord has laid all our sins on him. (Isaiah 53:6).

I am amazed at the relentless love of God. Again and again and again, God gives his people another chance. People fail, but God is faithful. I love this verse in Isaiah. For me, it captures the sense that even though we have turned away from God, he has not turned away from us.

When I watch shepherds keeping their sheep together reminds me of the old saying, “It’s like herding cats!” I imagine this is a good picture of what the history of humanity has been like for God.

The more I get in touch with my need to stray from God, the more amazing his love becomes to me. Isaiah expresses it so simply, and yet so profoundly: “but the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” I love the “but”s in the Bible. And not the one you sit on. They introduce truths that stand in sharp contrast to what we might expect. Here, “but” leads us to the greatest act of love the world would know.

But God. Two of my favorite words: But God. He intervened in my life. He allowed me to stray so far in order that I would trust in Him. I am thankful for His patience with me (as described in 2 Pet. 3:9: The Lord isn’t slow to do what he promised, as some people think. Rather, he is patient for your sake. He doesn’t want to destroy anyone but wants all people to have an opportunity to turn to him and change the way they think and act.). I don't like thinking about where I would be right now without the "But God" moment in my life, but I do know that I am where I am only because of Him. What follows this significant transition of "But God" is intended to challenge our faith and change our life. When He is brought into the picture, God makes all the difference.

Life is going one way-things seem hopeless-but then all of a sudden a holy God intervenes and everything changes. Another way God intervenes in our lives is through His favor, You know, God will give favor to anyone who will believe Him. But that is another message all together.

Jesus suffered terribly on the cross for our sins. It seemed as if God was displeased with Jesus. But in fact Jesus died to do His Father’s will. He lived and died for others, not because of any displeasure that God had against Him personally but so that God’s love might be born forth in the lives of the wicked. We first need to acknowledge our sins, however, before we can ever find the glorious love of God in Christ.

I am a sheep that has gone astray. BUT, God has taken all my iniquity, my sin and laid it on Jesus. From the Cross, he screams across the universe, “I love you!” How can we resist such love? Today, put a “but” on your hand to remind you of God’s love. Maybe you haven't believed, but know that God is chasing after you in love. I pray that you would experience the "But God" moment in your life today!

Today be the person you were too lazy to be yesterday

This is an open letter to the 2 female servers at Gateway Bowling Lanes working sometime around 430 pm on July 31, 2014.

I'm sorry if my size is an issue for you or grossed you out. So much so that you had to point and stare and do the "I'm popular, you're not" heads together thing while talking. Even though I couldn't hear what you were saying, I knew it couldn't be good, because you would stop talking and all that every time I would look at you. But looking at your not so perfect, over weight bodies, you're not happy with your looks. I'm sorry that you feel bad about your weight that it's easier to mock someone else than to look in the mirror. 

I'll also have you know that as I held my head high walking out of the bowling lanes & waited to cry until I was alone, I had 2 amazing pre-teen girls with me that are just in the midst of learning to love themselves for the different sizes that they are, it was more important for them to not be affected by bullies like you, who take to putting someone down who is over weight. Who's the better person? Who's the role model? Not you. I may not be 120 pounds and I may not be able to shop for the newest trendiest clothing but what I lack in that department, I have in abundance, in heart, love, 

compassion, trust, knowledge, and all the other wonderful attributes, that you and people like you will never get to see because you judge people solely on their looks and their weight.

And as I held my head high, unmoved as you mocked me, pretending that your actions had no effect on me, I have feelings the same as you and what you did hurt. Had you teased me 6 months ago about my weight, I would have let that ruin me for days, but know that I have changed & you did not ruin the rest of my day, this kind of petty thing is not so important anymore because I know that I am doing something to change the weight, BUT I am not doing it to please anyone but me.

It's people like you who make the world a hateful, disgusting place. I can't help but feel sorry for you when this sort of thing happens to you one day, or if it already has. I feel sorry that you have judged yourselves for being "gross", that you feel that you don't meet the standards that the world sets on us women to be bone skinny, with no personality, to be consumed with the falseness and that fake world, to look the same as the next person, to not be the individual that we are meant to be, regardless of what size we are. 

We are human and we are not perfect. And once people like you learn to love themselves, there will always be bullies out there to judge people like me because I'm FAT. 

I just hope one day you will be a better person and be proud of the journey, you have trekked and that it is your body that shows the battle map and scars of where you have been and what you accomplished.