Feelings

Words...Where do I even begin...Feelings? What is it that I am feeling? Is numbness of feelings a feeling? Let me check the dictionary or wikipedia or something. now calmclinic.com says numbness of feelings is related to anxiety which is related to depression. 7cups of tea.com has an article that says you're too afraid to feel the emotions that made you weak, that made you depressed.

I just want to curl up in a dark room, curtains covering the window and sleep it all away.  It's a form of, what was the word I once used, I use sleep as an avoidance mechanism. 

I just part of it is, no one will really notice I am missing...They haven't yet....So why would they miss me the rest of the night? Insecurity is running high right now...

Psalm 42:5-6The Voice (VOICE) 5 Why am I so overwrought? Why am I so disturbed? Why can’t I just hope in God? Despite all my emotions, I will believe and praise the One who saves me and is my life. 6 My God, my soul is so traumatized; the only help is remembering You wherever I may be; From the land of the Jordan to Hermon’s high place to Mount Mizar.

Well, it seems when I get back to spending time with God, He is calming my insecurity and anxiety. He reminds not to rely on people to validate that I would be missed, but on Him I should spend time with and He will validate that I am loved and that I will not have room for these fears