One Little Letter

When you stand and share your story in an empowering way,

your story will heal you and your story will heal someone else - Iyanla Vanzant

Why oh why do people, think that it is ok to call me Christine, when my name is Christina?

I usually let you know the first time you call me Christine that my name is Christina, so that in future you can call me by the correct name. It would be like me calling you Kristoff, when your name is Christopher. I am usually more lenient on how you spell it because it easier to misspell it.  And I tell them that those names are not interchangeable.

Some are like,  oh ok, thanks I will remember that in the future.  But then I get the people that, all upitty in my face, saying You SHOULDN'T be correcting people on what they call you, it's just one little letter.

My name is a big part of my identity, a big part of who I am, as it is for most people.  And when you tell me to let people call me whatever name they like, it's like you telling me, that my identity, my name, who I am doesn't matter.

And then proceed to tell me, how I should be coming across, how I should be behaving and how I should be speaking,, And that I shouldn't be responding harshly or this or that and that I should love everybody.

It has gone so far beyond being about one little letter.  Most people are ok with me asking them to call me by the proper name.  It's people that make me asking to be called the right name, such a big deal, that my feelings get hurt. It becomes more about letting people call me whatever name they want, then the asking to be called the right name itself, and my point is when you call me whatever you want, even though its ONE LITTLE LETTER, you are stripping me of who I am and I am going to fight to keep who I am intact.

It then becomes about me fighting to keep my identity, then every one gets offended.  Then telling me to take responsibility for it all being blown out of proportion.  Almost everybody is ok when I say, my name is X not Y and most times the conversation is done and we move on.  Its when people tell me that I am wrong in asking, feelings get hurt and swept under the rug, people get misunderstood or not heard at all.

When my feelings get hurt and swept under the rug, or feel that I am not being heard, then I am fighting to tell people that they have hurt me and when I don't get any acknowledgement, then I shut down and bottle everything up and that is more dangerous for my health and that is more detrimental to my well being.  Then people wonder why I have depression, and don't love myself and don't feel like a productive person and why I don't want to get out of bed somedays, or don't leave the house for days at a time. Then I am so lonely, that I end up suffocating my friends, by NEEDING them so bad, that I can't stand to be alone.

See how ONE LITTLE LETTER has blown up into a LIFE CHANGING EVENT?

So I ask, please don't tell me HOW I should be behaving, like you are trying to beat it into me.  If you feel that I am having a bad day, take the time to walk it though with me, JUST MAYBE that's all I need. Or say HEY, I see you are having a bad day, whats going on? Maybe I am having a bad moment and need to just go through it, just love me the way I am in that moment, so that I can love myself in those moments. No judgments, no harsh words, no telling me how I should be acting, no beating me over the head with a bible.....

JUST LOVE ME THE WAY I AM